one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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