Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm like, not good at living.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
