You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
