its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
