...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
