ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
How naked do you want me to be?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
