Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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