I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
