you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
