Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
