No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
