At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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