Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
