Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
