I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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