I heard we made out
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Never joke about your clitoris.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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