i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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