I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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