I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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