I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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