Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
