If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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