The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize
