i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
