i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
