She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You need a sexual gate keeper
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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