Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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