even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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