whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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