I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
