loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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