I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
