He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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