why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
