ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
