God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
