Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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