dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
