I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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