i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
