My brain says no but my pants say off.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
