TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
