I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
