honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
The air taste purple.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
