Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
