i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize