I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
