The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
