I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
