I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
