Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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