I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
