Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
