Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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