I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
