Taylor Swift is so right about you.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
