my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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