Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
