well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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