Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
