He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
