I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
