Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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