I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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