There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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