Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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