Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
