I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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