i already hear my dad disowning me
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
