you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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