I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
