He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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