You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I could fuck to npr.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
